When You've Been Played

I would love to write an article called How To Spot A Player but I can't. I'm oblivious. It seems only those who play games or have been gamed consistently can recognize game. So that leaves me out of the loop.

I rarely meet anyone I am attracted to enough to actually desire to BE with but I recently did. I found myself opening up, becoming vulnerable, allowing myself to like and be liked. Then out of nowhere- WHAM! I found out she was playing games with me. I was sad at first. Extremely sad. The person she had shown me was someone I wanted to get to know, to love and to be a friend to. After I grieved the loss and shook off the embarrassment, the analytical side of me tried to figure out WHY people play games...

I came up with a few reasons...

1. People are Opportunists- If they see that they can gain something from you, they will play the perfect role to get it even if it means pretending to be in love with you.

2. People Have No Clue They Are Wrong- All of their lives they have watched their parents play love games this way. They believe love is about conquering and power and pain and control. Their friends play love games in the same shady way too so they figure that this is what relationships are about.

3. People Have Been hurt- They enter into a relationship for the bliss of it, but as soon as they realize they’re becoming vulnerable they lash out, seeking to hurt their partner before they are hurt.

How Are We Played?

Well, it’s the unsuspecting NON PLAYERS who are played by their dubious counterparts. We have no clue that the other person is being insincere because we know we are capable of being loved and their sweet words are what we believe we deserve to hear. Their gestures of kindness are exactly what we believe we deserve to receive. We figure that it is only justifiable that someone should love us and want to be with us; after all we are loveable beings. We trust them because that is what we believe we deserve and we know that we are trustworthy so why can't the next human being be?

How We Get Over It

We have to KNOW that just because they got over on us, played our emotions for their gain, and then walked away, they actually lost out because they'll continue to repeat that vicious cycle as they gain no real satisfaction from it. Eventually they'll desire real love...but will have burned so many bridges that they won't believe it exists for them.

Keep loving how you love, even if it means being hurt. Keep being honest. Keep being vulnerable. Keep being YOURSELF. One day…one glorious day...you'll meet a match who is mature enough and loves themselves enough to appreciate and accept your pure love.

The bumps and bruises heal but bad habits are hard to break. Just because you got bit doesn't mean you have to become a vampire. Don't let their destructive ways turn you into one of them.

Love the real way, The PURE WAY and walk away if it isn't returned. Rejoice in your giving love exactly the way you wish to receive it.

Love without fear.

Your Fantasy: Overcoming Your Fear of Death

Your Fantasy: Working Through Your Fear of Death

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday to tell me that one of his childhood friends had died from stress. He was very upset about the death of his friend and there was nothing I could say to help him to feel better so I just allowed him to vent.

As I am learning more in my studies on my journey to becoming a counselor, the issue of counseling people through the deaths of their loved ones has come up repeatedly. We were told to allow the person to grieve for as long as they wish without any expressed expectation of “getting over it”. We were also told that the only thing we could really ask is, “Would you like a hug?”

People are going to grieve over the loss of their loved ones because of the perceived loss of connection to that person. They may believe that they will never see or get to experience the joyful connection with that person again which causes them to be depressed or anxious about their own mortality.

Recently I revisited a movie that was released 10 years ago in 1998. That movie, What Dreams May Come, starring Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr. helped to change my perspective on death and release all fear of it. While some may consider the movie’s premise (which affirms the idea of an afterlife) to be merely fantasy, I would like for you to consider the reasons why you chose to believe the things you choose to believe.

• Do you believe in God because someone told you to believe in God?
• Do you believe that the earth is round because you saw a picture?
• Are you able to drive in traffic everyday because you believe and trust that the other drivers will stay in their lanes, which are merely imaginary lines on the concrete? Why do you trust them to stay in their lanes?
• Do you believe that you will accomplish great things in your lifetime?
• Do you believe that someone will love you one day?
• Do you believe that you are a good person?

Why do you believe these things? Is it because believing these things makes life more enjoyable? If some of you choose to believe these things then there must be others who choose to believe the opposite. Why do they choose to believe negative things? Do they like to feel bad about their lives?

Whatever you believe is a personal choice. There is no wrong or right in it. Your beliefs dictate how you view the world and how you interact with others in it. How you perceive the world is an indication of the type of world you believe you deserve to live in. If you believe that people are mostly good hearted then you will probably smile at everyone you meet, expecting a smile back. If you believe that people are mostly evil then you will be guarded and stay by yourself most of the time out of fear of being hurt.

If you are going through the grieving process following the death of a loved one, it might be a good time to examine your beliefs about death. Is your idea of death the gateway to a heaven or hell or does it involve an afterlife? Whatever you choose to believe, try to choose a belief that makes you feel good. If what you have been taught about death by other people in your life causes you to feel fear, it is okay to change your belief.

Find a belief system that brings you joy like this movie did for me. Through this movie I now imagine an afterlife where everyone I love who has passed on before me is frolicking in their own personal heaven awaiting the day when my spirit will have the opportunity to reconnect with theirs. That makes me feel so happy as I imagine my uncles, aunts and grandparents cheerfully reuniting with me one day in heaven or on earth in another lifetime.

Your beliefs are your choice. Choose beliefs that make you feel good, even in the face of death and watch your quality of life flourish.