It's Not A Sin To Be Single- Book Trailer

I published my first book!

DIFTS- Do It For The Story

Tired of the same old same old routine every day? Why not try an adventurous approach to life’s decisions?

Everyone loves a good story. In fact, that’s what life is made of. We all live to tell our story. Every story is unique and every story is full of drama, comedy and tragedy.

The next time you have a decision to make, why not try a new approach and DO IT FOR THE STORY.

How?

Instead of driving to work in ten minutes, take the bus. See who you meet. Have a random conversation with a perfect stranger. DO IT FOR THE STORY.

Instead of ditching the next man who asks you out, go out with him. DO IT FOR THE STORY you get to tell about it the next day.

Instead of following the crowd and going to your local community college, take a risk and go out of state. DO IT FOR THE STORY.

Make your life story one of adventure by leaving your fears and inhibitions at the door step. Shock yourself. Change your life!

DO IT FOR THE STORY!

The Biggest Mistake Women Make While Dating

The biggest mistake women make while dating is TRYING to get a man to love them. At the first attempt to impress a man he can feel the desperate vibes and is immediately turned off. If those vibes had a voice they would scream, “I need you to love me. Please!”

STOP BEGGING!

Only abusive or controlling men find this vibe appealing. They zero in on this trait and will use it to manipulate women in order to release the negative energy they have stored up because they really hate themselves. These women will allow it because they are desperate to be loved and these men know it. They love these type of women because they become willing punching bags.

In order to shift this behavior you do not have to do anything to change who you are. You can reach a more healthy place mentally when you decide that…

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF THE PERSON SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU LIKES YOU!

Notice how you interact with people when you do not care to impress them. You smile casually at the grocery store checker, chat easily and make jokes freely. You do not care if you ever see him again so you are able to be your true light hearted self. THIS is the person that people should meet. THIS is the person that will be loved.

In order to ensure that THIS person is the person you present you should let go of the idea that you NEED to get married. You don’t HAVE to get married. You don’t HAVE to be loved romantically to experience joy in life. Being in a romantic relationship is not a life requirement or a right. Being a part of a couple is not a valid way to gauge your success.

Of course it is difficult to grasp this concept in a society where coupledom is commercialized and expected. The truth is, YOU define your expectations for your life. If you want to get married, there is nothing wrong with that. Respect the desire, recognize it and do nothing about it.

Stop trying so hard. Stop spending hundreds of dollars to transform yourself into someone that others will like. The RIGHT people will like you when they can meet the REAL you.

Success Stories

Annie

My friend Annie swore that she would never be involved with a man again after her first marriage which was abusive. Her mother had to go over and remove her children from the house before she woke up and realized that she was in a bad place.

Less than two years later, Annie was in the drug store buying medicine for her cold. Her hair wasn’t done. She was wearing her nightclothes and slippers and she was coughing uncontrollably. As she walked over to the check out line a man approached her and said, “You are beautiful.” She looked around to see who he was talking to. He was talking to HER. She has been happily married to this man for more than 5 years now.

Dianna

Annie’s sister Dianna had a string of relationships that were not beneficial to her. She knew she deserved love and would affirm her desire in my ear whenever we would talk. She wasn’t the club going type of person and didn’t hang out in bars so she had no idea how she would meet someone but she held firm to the belief that there was someone for her.

One day, her sister Annie sent a carpenter to her house to give an estimate on floor work and when he saw her, dressed in rags, and I do mean RAGS, he was smitten. He took his time with her. He asked her out multiple times but she was not paying him any attention. One day she decided to take him up on his offer to go out to dinner because he had been so good to her family. She went and had a great time and soon grew to like him. When she brought him into the restaurant where I was working so I could meet him I was flabbergasted.

“This is a MAN!” I told her.

She smiled. “He takes such good care of me and my daughter.”

The true sign of his manhood was shown when she would be mean to him, refusing him to let him touch her. He comforted her by saying, “I don’t know what kind of men you have been dealing with but I am not pressed for sex. I know sex will come when you are comfortable and can trust me. Let’s work on that.” He then went out and bought a car seat for her daughter to put in HIS car. I was blown away.

And when my car was stuck on the side of the road in flooded waters and I sat there waiting for a miracle, I called her and she called him. He left work to come help me. I love him! I can’t wait for their wedding in September!

Relax. Your time will come when you can understand that you do not NEED it to come right now. Go about your life making your life as wonderful as you can make it. Be yourself. If you're crazy, BE CRAZY. If you like to party, GO PARTY. Who you are is good enough at this very moment even with all of your mess.

Be good to people and yourself. Trust that if it is your desire it will come to pass. When you frantically try to make it happen, you push it away. Do everything in perfect peace knowing that you deserve every good thing your heart desires. From this place of joyful expectancy, in magical ways, someone will knock on your door, you’ll receive an email or you will literally FALL into your greatest love’s life.

I love you.

If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!

There is a book written by Sheldon Kopp called If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him! I haven’t read it and I don’t plan to. The title alone caused a shift in my consciousness that has been irreversible.

For me, this book spoke volumes in my life. All my life I yearned for guidance. I knew I had these inherent abilities yet I had no idea how to cultivate them. I studied stories of successful people to try to learn how they made choices. I thought I needed confirmation from outside of myself that everything was going to be alright. I wanted a step by step guide to find my success.

The truth is, there is none.

Every successful person has been in the place where you are in. They didn’t know what to do or where to go. They had an idea in their mind, an end result and they bumped against walls, problem solving along the way until they met their answer.

The Buddha represents the answers you seek for your life questions.

Should I go back to school?

Should I leave him?

Am I dressed right?

Is this the right career for me?

We seek counselors and psychics and advisors to affirm what we already know. We already know what is right, but we do not trust ourselves.

The proverbial “road” the title mentions is symbolic of your life journey. If you meet anyone on your life journey who claims to have the answers to your life questions or who you believe is better suited to guide you on your life journey you should KILL that idea.

No one outside of you has the answers to your life questions. No one knows what you desire better than you. No one knows what you are capable of more than you know. No one feels the hunger you have for your dreams more than you feel it. No one outside of yourself is more capable of guiding you.

YOU ARE THE BUDDHA.

You know the answers.

Trust yourself to make the best decisions. You ALWAYS get it right, no matter what the outcome is.

YOU ARE THE BUDDHA.

The Buddha lives within you.

Walk in your own power, trust yourself and be free from trying to follow in anyone else’s path. You give away your personal power when you trust anyone above yourself.

Tap into your intuition. Your intuition is your smartest self. It will guide you.

You never get it wrong. You always get it right. You know just what to do. Now, go and do it. And do not apologize to anyone for what you choose because they are not your Buddha, YOU ARE.

Create Your Own Religion

You have every right to be upset about the title of this article. Your staunch beliefs may lead you to believe I am being sacrilegious or that I am an atheist, which isn’t true. Through my own spiritual journey laced with religion and mayhem and inner reflection I have come to a certain awareness that I wish to share with you.

Everything about this world is fiction.

When I say fiction, I mean, it’s all made up. We give meaning to everything around us. We decide that the sky should be called a sky. We decide that the color blue should be called blue. This is called social constructionism. As a society we had to get together and decide on certain TRUTHS and AGREE so that we can communicate with each other effectively. We decided to build an item and we looked at it and said, “This is a table. This is what the table is used for.” Everyone agree on this, and it is written. We did the same for everything else in our physical space and then we transferred that same authority of defining the world around us to our spiritual beliefs and our expectations for the stages of our lives.

If everything we see is constructed by society then the expectations for our lives and the roles we play in life are fiction too. We made everything up. It’s like someone in the beginning of time said, “Let’s play a game” and then started making up rules. These rules or guidelines help to establish order but later became an enforced standard perpetuated by parents (and religion) who teach children that “this is the way to be”. Anything outside of those standards was viewed as “abnormal” or “wrong,” when really, the whole thing, everything, all of our roles, concepts, language and beliefs are all made up. All of it is fiction.

We, as humans, have an innate desire to understand the reason behind our existence. We need to feel like there is some purpose for us being here so we created concepts to help us grasp onto a value system for our lives. Often, these value systems attributed the creation of our human existence to an act of some higher being(s).

The earliest social systems held polytheistic views. This means that they believed in the existence of multiple Gods who controlled and ruled the earth and its inhabitants. As time went on and civilizations evolved, a more monotheistic view was adopted and spread by civilizations. As time went on these fictionalized concepts concerning life expectations, roles and our existence were passed down from generation to generation as TRUTH.

Today, these TRUTHS have been the breeding ground for much of our civilization’s unrest because no one wants to admit that there is a chance that their TRUTH is wrong. Everyone’s truth is wrong. No one’s truth is the truth because there is no truth; only fictionalized concepts handed down like folklore and passed on as KNOWLEDGE.

No one “knows” anything. Everything is a projection of our beliefs. Every belief is a choice.

If every concept was made up by someone in our ancestral lineage and passed along the years to me then why do I have to follow someone else’s concept? Why can’t I make up my own beliefs about life, love and success? Am I not smart enough to create my own game and rules? Do I need someone else to be my guide because I am not capable of defining my life for myself? Do I not hold the same creative powers of my ancestors who started the game in the first place?

The “truth” is, I can.

And so can you.

Your religion is not only the spiritual belief system you were born in. Your religion is also the set of dominant beliefs that you hold concerning your expectations from life, love and your idea of success. You can decide to play the game and follow the instructions made up by people who lived thousands and thousands of years ago. It may actually benefit you to do that, but, what it really says about you is that you do not believe you have the capability to decide for yourself. You’d rather go along with the crowd just to be safe and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Everyone can’t be a leader. Everyone can’t break the mold. But for those who DO wish to break out of the box of the false TRUTHS enforced upon us which cause us to feel sad about any idea or expression that goes against the game and its expectations, you KNOW what to do.

It begins with a decision to explore what makes you feel good about your existence. What do you believe right now that detracts from making you feel good about who you are and where your life is heading? If you hold a belief system that causes shame, guilt or unrest about matters that have nothing to do with how you treat people and everything to do with who you are on the inside and your likes and dislikes and preferences, you should take a step back and examine WHY you choose to believe this. If your belief system forces you to meet some higher expectation that YOU did not create for yourself, you may be a victim of the “game”. You can choose to stop playing at any time.

Create your own religion. Choose beliefs that lead you to feel happy about who you are and lead you to want to live out your best life by your OWN definition.

Why Meditation May Not Be The Answer

Meditation is the magic trick that most new age students believe will get them to their intention of inner peace. Every supposedly ‘conscious’ person will ask, “Do you meditate?”

Well yes, I do meditate, but not as much as I once did and here’s why.

Meditation, in its purest form happens anytime you think a certain thought for more than 17 seconds. Whatever you are focusing on, you are meditating on. In the spiritual sense, meditation happens when you can clear your mind of all thoughts or when you allow your thoughts to flow freely without attaching any emotion to them.

Both of these tasks are difficult to do as we tend to allow our thoughts to dictate our emotions, which in turn influence how we react and interact in situations. In my opinion, meditation is useful simply to let you know that you do not have to be a slave to your thoughts. Your thoughts can be directed wherever you want them to be. Whatever you focus on, with emotional energy will often be magnetized into your life. Once I constructed that foundational premise I was ready to move on to exploring other philosophies.

Meditation, in my opinion, gives me a feeling of floating in space. There is no physical world. There is only thought. There is no color, no light, no goals, and no problems. There are no relationships, no worries, no bills, no deadlines- only thought.

One day I had an eerie feeling that death might be a lot like this. I imagine myself, or the lack of, floating off into space as nothing but a blast of joyful energy. Soon after I constructed that belief, I had a conversation with a friend who described sleep in the same way.

“Why do you think everyone runs home from work and immediately wants to go to sleep?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Because they want to die to this world, they don’t want to experience it anymore.”

So my mind tied sleeping to dying and then dying to meditation and then I realized that they may all be one and the same. If they are then why would I want to spend a considerable amount of my time being DEAD while I am alive? What is so wrong with my life that I feel that I have to experience death more often than I have to?

I am guaranteed to die; at least that’s what the medical professionals say. If I am guaranteed to one day experience that joyful energy permanently, then THIS life must be a gift to me. Why am I rushing back to become a part of the energy that I came from when I should be enjoying this gift?

Some say that meditation leads to clear thinking and the ability to “hear” from God or your higher power. I understand why they say that. When you attempt to void your mind, you can relax and make better decisions that are not affected by your emotions and fears. Your negative emotions and fears are sometimes caused by the social norms that we have established or the goals we are expected to experience by a certain time. Those expectations for the development of your character or capabilities will often paralyze us, leading us to believe that something is wrong with us and fills our mind with criticisms that do not serve us. Then we need to meditate to still our minds so we can gain peace of mind.

If you simply decide that you will define your own success and minimize your comparison of your life experiences to your neighbors you may find that you are doing just fine. If you decide that who you are, even with all your idiosyncrasies, is already good enough then you won’t have to quiet your mind from critical thoughts that cause unrest in your inner being.

You don’t HAVE to be anybody great. You don’t HAVE to race to the finish line. You don’t HAVE to have the biggest house on the block to be labeled a success and you don’t have to DIE (meditate) every night in order to feel peaceful.

I say this world is a PLAYGROUND in which we were meant to enjoy. We can’t seem to enjoy it because of the ideals cast upon us by society which tells us that life isn’t pleasurable if we do not achieve certain things in a certain time frame. Who made up those rules? Why are you following them? Why do you believe you must rush back to the experience of death in order to be comforted from the ills of this life?

This world is your playground. If you think of it in terms of a board game then imagine that it is your turn to be YOU. What will you do with all the capabilities and characteristics that you possess? Do it. Or do nothing. No one is timing you. No one is watching you. No one is judging you. You are your only judge. Make the judgment that your life is already great and your evolution is happening in perfect timing.

You may not even need to ‘meditate’ tonight.

What Does Your Favorite Song Say About You?

You may be humming a different tune after reading this article.

Can you think of your favorite song at this moment? What story do the lyrics tell? Is this a situation or feeling you have experienced in your life? For most the answer will be a resounding YES. That is simply because the we are magnetized toward the type of lyrics and music that reflect the conditions of our hearts.

I once met a guy who complained that all of the songs being aired on the radio were about heartache and pain. To which I replied, "Nope, those are only the songs you connect with and that is why you hear them more vividly than the others."

When we listen to music or a particular artist we are drawn to the energetic vibration of their artistic style because it reminds us of ourselves. For a time I couldn't go an hour without humming Kanye West's Touch The Sky because during that time I had visions of making my dreams come true.

Then I found myself being energized by rap artist Trina's verse on Trick Daddy's Na'an Ni$$a. It was because at that time I was becoming more open about my sexuality and sexual desires and hood upbringing. I was becoming more in tune with where I came from as both Trick Daddy and Trina were raised in my neighborhood.

A couple of weeks ago I was introduced to Wildflower by The New Birth an old group from the 70's and I felt so connected to the song that I made this video of my life.



The lyrics seemed to represent me.

She faced the hardest times you can imagine
And many times her eyes fall back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders
For the weight of all her tears
And a sorrow no one hears
Still rings in midnight silence in her ears

Chorus:
Let her cry
for she's a lady
Let her dream
for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

And if by chance that I should hold her
Let me hold her for a while
And if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from her garden to be mine

Be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
Sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you look into her eyes you won't believe
For the way she's always paying for a debt she never owed
And a silent wind still blows that she can only hear
So she goes

Repeat chorus 2x

She's my free and gentle flower, growing growing growing wild
She's a free and gentle flower
growing growing wild
She's my flower,
growing growing growing wild
Growing growing growing growing wild
She's my free and gentle flower

You can guess how I feel about myself from reading the lyrics to this song and you can guess how you view life from studying the lyrics from your favorite song. If the lyrics are laced with fearful thoughts and heartache you can choose a new song to sing in your head and in your heart.

It's up to you to shift your focus. What you focus on will be magnetized to you in your life AND on the radio.

What song are you singing?