A Letter From Your Abuser

Dear Reader, You've chosen to read this article because you or someone you know has been abused. Whether it was yesterday, last year or decades ago the pain may still be lingering. You are confused as to why this happened to you and you need an answer. Please do read this letter from an abuser and pass it along if you must. All my blessings to you in hopes that through these words you find the relief and comfort that you seek.

Love,

Te-Erika





Hello.

I am writing this letter to try to explain myself. I'm not sure if I can ever make up for what I did to you but believe me, it haunts me everyday. I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be, but what I do know is, if I had the chance to do everything over again, I would have hugged you instead of hurting you.

See, when I saw you I saw a light so bright that I couldn't ignore. You, in all your brilliance made me want to be as close to you as possible. I wanted to know you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted all of these things and I had no clue how to get them and I didn't think I deserved them. I lashed out at you because I thought you would never see me the way I see you. I hurt you because I was hurting. I wanted to show you love but I don't know how to give that. Love was never given to me. Not in a good way anyway. Sometimes I feel evil knowing that I did what I did to you. I hated when it was done to me and then I turned around and did the same thing.

Sometimes I feel like hell would be too good for me, but then again I wish for hell because the pain of the fire would be a constant reminder of the pain I live with everyday knowing how much I hurt you. I tried to be the best I could but life didn't allow it. I could offer a thousands reasons why I did what I did. I could blame the world or tell you that you deserved it but really, you didn't. You didn't deserve what I did to you. If you could see the truth of my heart you would see that I did love you. I know it's a crazy and twisted thing to say because I didn't show it properly but I don't know how. I still don't.

What happened had nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. I know my words were like lashes to you. Please let it go. They meant nothing. Everything I said was really how I felt about myself. I wanted you to feel what I was feeling. I wanted you to be like me because I know I could never be like you. I don't want to be alone in this pain. I tried to drag you with me.

If I could give you what you deserve you would be clothed in the finest garments and adorned with jewelry and you would always have the biggest piece of cake. You were so wonderful to me but I didn't handle you with care. I didn't know what to do with you. Your light shines so brightly that it was hard for me to even look at you. Why didn't I have a chance to shine like you? Why were you so lucky?

I am sorry. I am sorry for what I did to you. I am sorry that I made you cry. I am sorry that I took away your trust. Please don't blame everyone for what I did to you. I'm all messed up. I didn't get it right. It doesn't mean that there isn't someone else who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.

I am sorry. I am so sorry.

Please forgive me and move forward. Don't let my stupidity hold you back from shining the way you were meant to shine. You are such perfection to me. Don't let me take that away from you. I don't deserve that much power in your life. I am nothing. I mean nothing. I am insignificant.

I am sorry. Please forgive me... and forget me because I'll vanish if you do and I will never reappear again.

Regretfully,

You Know Who

3 Ways To Calm Anxiety

When you are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety you may feel like your heart is about to explode. Your arms may ache. You become short of breath. Your thoughts flurry from one inconsistency in your life to another. You feel out of control and hopeless.

Before you begin to panic it might be a good idea to consider these steps:

1. Take a deep breath. Really, expand your lungs and breathe in fully and exhale through your nostrils slowly. Breathe deeply, breathe slowly. Focus on each breath. Imagine your lungs filling with air. Choose a color for the air that fills your lung. Blue air now fills your lungs. Pink air is now released. Blue air. Pink air. Blue air. Pink air. Imagine that the Blue air is your anxiety. Transform it to Pink air which are your hopes. Blue air. Pink air. Blow it out. Release it. Try doing this exercise for 5 minutes. You should feel more relaxed when you are done.

2. Mindfulness meditation is another sure fire way to relieve your anxiety. Sit still exactly where you are. Now look around you. Notice the colors you see. Notice the objects in the room. Notice the way you feel right now. Describe what you see while having no attachment to it. You are not judging what you are seeing or experiencing. You are merely taking notice of it, without taking any action.

The bed is high. The walls are yellow. The light is on. I am crying.

Spend 5 minutes noticing things that you see and feel. Attach no emotion to anything. See. Experience. Note. Allow yourself the comfort of not having to change anything about who you are and where you are right now.

3. Music has healing power. New Age music is my recommendation for healing anxiety. It has a quality that uplifts your spirit without being bogged down by lyrics or a message the artist is trying to convey.


Watch this video 3 times in a row and relax into the clouds.

When Your Circumstances Shift, It's A Gift

If it seems like your entire world is shifting before your eyes you may be quite alarmed by all of the changes. Have you exhausted all possibilities for solving this “problem”? Are you out of time, energy and resources? Are you at the final hour and have no where to turn? Is your only hope a miracle?

What if this circumstance is actually a divine gift for you? We pray for change. We hope for better situations in our lives but we do not realize that the price we pay for wanting MORE is to give up what we have now.

Did you silently wish for a better, more fulfilling job and have recently received a pink slip? This is your opportunity to go after the position of your dreams.

Were you constantly annoyed by your lackluster relationship and wished that you could meet someone who really appreciated you? Did you just find out that your partner cheated or is in love with someone else? This is your chance to be free to find the person who is really meant for you.

Is your home in foreclosure and the creditors calling? This could be just what you need to live a more carefree life. If you let go of all the bills you had and downsize your lifestyle a bit you may be able to realize the dream of traveling like you always wanted.

You created this “loss” out of a yearning for something different. You did this to yourself and you now have the opportunity to make the most out of it. No wish or heart’s dream is without its drawbacks, but those drawbacks won’t seem so devastating once you realize that it is important to detach yourself from what you have now in order to gain more.

I was working two jobs, seven days a week and I wished that I could see my children more. As my wishes come true, and they always do, I lost both jobs all in one weekend and I am now able to spend more time with my children than I have had the opportunity to do in the last two years. At first I was devastated by the losses but as I held my two sons in my arms while watching The Sandlot late Saturday night I realized that this IS my dream come true.

Your wishes are made by your intense desires or your heart felt longings. Once these yearnings are sent out the thing you yearned for is magnetized to you, causing a shift in your circumstances.

You can choose to be devastated by the changing tides in your life or you can choose to ride the waves. I explained this to my sons in this way:

Your life is like the wheel of a bicycle. You are at the center and every person, situation or circumstance is a spoke in the wheel. When the wheel is turning, as life does, things appear and disappear from your life without cause and it would be wise to never try to hold the spokes in place or else you stop the wheel from spinning (or at least hurt your hand trying).

Be free from trying to control your circumstances. Every situation is a gift to you. Every person, place or thing that enters your life is a blessing. You need not fight to make someone or something stay. Simply enjoy its presence for it’s allotted time and then be willing to say goodbye when the time comes trusting that it will be replaced by something else. Life is a culmination of stories we tell about our existence. There’s always another story waiting to unfold. Do not get stuck in your last story. Live your adventure. Your shifting circumstance is really a gift to you.

When Raising Your Child

A child who lives with Criticism
Learns to condemn

A child who lives with Hostility
Learns to fight

A child who lives with ridicule
Learns to be shy

A child who lives with shame
Learns to feel guilty

A child who lives with tolerance
Learns to be patient

A child who lives with encouragement
Learns confidence

A child who lives with Praise
Learns to appreciate

A child who lives with fairness
Learns justice

A child who lives with security
Learns faith

A child who lives with approval
Learns to like their self

A child who lives with acceptance & friendship
Learns to find love in the world

- Dorothy Law Nolte - (modified - non-sexist version!)

Creating A New Beginning

It’s time. You’re ready. You can begin today. In order to move forward from the mess of your past you must choose a new beginning. For different people this will mean different things but the process to initiating this important goal is the same for everyone.

Forgive Yourself

There were certain choices you made that you weren’t so proud of. It may be that you have characteristics that you wish you could change or maybe you hurt someone or yourself and you have been riddled with guilt ever since. It is very important that you take this moment to …forgive yourself. You do not have to get it right every time. Life is a learning process. You are allowed to get it wrong sometimes. You are allowed to grow and evolve into a more mature person. That mistake you thought you made, wasn’t your last chance to get it right. Do it again. Make a different decision. It’s okay. You are still okay. You have another chance. Forgive yourself.

Decide That Everything Is A Good Thing

Your perception of events and circumstances is truly up to you. You give definition to what is deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad’. You define it. You decide that (insert situation) is a BAD situation. You can also decide that (insert circumstance) is a GOOD circumstance. It is all in your perception of your life. Do you believe that you have the best future ahead of you and today is just a building block toward that? If you don’t believe that, you may start now. Every belief is a choice. If you believe you are doomed forever, you will be. Decide that everything that happens is a GOOD thing. For all you know, that job loss may be setting you up to march into your brightest destiny. In fact, IT IS! I promise you. Nothing that happens permanently damages your future. You can still create the best life for yourself through ANY situation. Everything that happens and has happened in your past…is a GOOD thing. You can STOP being a victim of life if you choose. How can you be a victim if everything is a good thing? Make your choice today.

Create Miracles Everyday

There are certain people who go through life believing that everything is an omen of death and destruction. They lead very limited existences, dodging intimacy with others, searching for validation for their destructive beliefs. They find it in everything too. Their car breaks down and they break down with it. A treasured friend walks out of their life and they immediately believe they are un loveable. If it is so easy to believe in omens of disaster, you can certainly believe that everything is a miracle and search for your personal miracles everyday. Miracles don’t have to be equated with parting the red sea or a tree growing in the desert. Miracles are the blessings you receive when you need them. Miracles happen in each smiling face you encounter, in each act of love you share. Your entire life is a miracle. You wake up. You use your body. You think, speak and hope. Who put all of those functions together? Your ability to breathe is a miracle. Your life is a miracle. Look out for them, everyday in everything. Honor them in every way you can. Understand that you create more miracles by acknowledging the ones that are already there.

You have a certain kind of magic within you. You may now go forth as a new person, with a new perspective and change your destiny.

Treat Her Like A Lady During The Holidays

Do you want to delight your special lady this holiday season? You don't have to go all out and spend thousands just to show her you appreciate her. This is what she REALLY wants.

A Delicious Meal – She’s so wornout from building her empire (or supporting you while you build yours) that she needs some replenishment. Tell her you have something special for her. Have her wait for you in her favorite cozy spot while you make her a home made meal filled with her favorite treats. Don’t forget dessert and you might get some dessert later.

Something That Sparkles – She LOVES sparkles. Preferably the Asscher cut. No more than 1 ½ karats though; anything larger will be too gaudy.

A Body Massage – She’ll remember why she chose you when she’s listening to Orange Moon by Erykah Badu as you caress her naked body with sweet smelling lotions while telling her all the ways she intrigues and delights you. Don’t forget the happy ending. Yes, ladies love that too!

A Pleasant Surprise

Connecting her with her latest goal, paying off one of her debts or even cleaning out the garage are great ways to show your lady you love her. Do something that she can’t quite seem to do for herself and watch her melt in your arms.

A Real Orgasm

It’s not about you tonight.

It’s about making love to her entire body. Pay special attention to the area behind her knees and her collarbone. Strategically place tasty fruits and desserts across her body and don’t leave a crumb behind as you have your midnight snack. Find her Oh Button. You know just where it is. Press it. Often. Make her beg you to stop.

Overcome Depression During The Holidays

Holidays are a time for reflection. We reminisce on days gone past and remember how we were the ones being taken care and now that we are adults, we have to take care of ourselves. Want to crawl back inside the crib and wear a baby bib, don’t you? I know. Sometimes I do too but that’s unrealistic so we’ll tackle the depression that comes with this awesome responsibility of adulthood, one step at a time.

Your mood is YOUR choice – If you decide to bury yourself in the covers meditating on everything you perceive to be wrong with your life then that is your choice. Your mood is your choice. Your emotions are your choice. You CHOOSE your mood and emotions in each moment by what you choose to think about or focus on. If you want to continue the mood you are in because it is comforting, by all means, go ahead and sulk. When you are ready, you’ll move forward to step number two.

Remember the good times – Someone did something especially sweet for you last month. Your birthday was a blast wasn’t it? What about that joke you read on facebook that had you laughing so hard, drool dribbled down your chin? These are all good memories to switch to if you want to shift your mood. You should keep a “trigger memory” handy for those times when you catch your focus shifting to lack and fear. When you notice your mood shift, simply press your “trigger” and laugh about that time your sister found your vibrator and showed it to your Mom. Press your trigger as many times as you need to. People will look at you and wonder what’s going on with you, but this will uplift your mood tremendously and everyone will wonder what’s got you buzzing.

Take Inventory of What’s Missing – You can take the time to focus on what you believe is missing from your life; those things you believe will make you happy. Then you can imagine what your life will be once you have those things. Write a story about what it will be like to have and hold the woman of your dreams or what it would be like to drive that new Infinity Coupe. What does that new home you’ve been dreaming of look like? What is that vacation spot you’ve been wanting to visit look like? Who is around you? What do you hear? Who is there to celebrate with you? How many people are happy for you? What will the comments be like on facebook when you update your friends about your good fortune? FEEL it. FEEL IT right now before it happens. Experience the joy of having it now. Your current “lack” is only an indicator of what you will have next.

Lay another brick – You know what’s missing and you know you can have it so take the next step toward getting it. Write that next chapter of your novel. Take that business course. Brush up on your Spanish for your trip to Brazil. Enroll in school. Elevate yourself. One day at a time. One brick at a time.

Your life is not miserable. You are only experiencing misery because you want to. You have not because you think you can not have what you want. You CAN. You WILL.

Go get it!

Understanding Why People Are Mean

They want attention

Instead of asking for your time or attention, people will be critical, rude or mean. They will send out a rude text message just to get your attention.

They feel powerless

When a person feels powerless to change one aspect of their life, they will often act out in another area or against another individual so that they can feel powerful. They often take this too far for example, police officers who go overboard in their brutal treatment of suspects and criminals. Or fathers who hate their jobs and want to quit but feel like they have no other options so they will come home and take out their frustrations on their wives and children. You can even see examples of this in elderly people who are lonely. They are often unruly due to the fact that they are watching their bodies debilitate and they feel powerless to stop it.

They desire a specific type of relationship with you and they can’t have it

They are upset with you because you won’t play the role they want you to play in their life. In order for them to feel better they pretend to act like they don’t care by being mean to you. They will often go out and try to tell as many people as possible terrible gossip about you so that no one else will have a positive interaction with you either. They are attempting to block everyone else from having the relationship they desired with you. THAT is why they are gossiping about you. You won’t do what they want you to do. They are upset because they can’t CONTROL you.

They are showing you how they are treated at home

A person’s actions will ALWAYS mirror the treatment that they are receiving behind closed doors. If their home life is in shambles, its best to believe that their outside relationships will reflect this turmoil. They don’t know how to be different.

They are upset with themselves

Maybe they know they messed up with you. They haven’t forgiven themselves yet so being mean to you is the only way they can push those feelings of guilt and shame down when they are near. They want you to believe that you deserve that mean treatment, but really they want to give you the opposite. The meaner they are, the more obvious it is that they love you and want to be near you but they can’t because they messed up and they do not know if they can fix the issue or they know they don’t deserve a second chance.

Or they're mad at themselves for how their life is right now and they take it out on YOU because they know you will allow it.

How To Attract Women

Do not TRY to attract women - When you TRY to attract women, it sends out a NEEDY vibe that says, “I need you to like me. I need you to want me. Please tell me I’m okay.” Ugh. Who wants someone like that?

Find your passion and become OUTSTANDING at it- By developing yourself as an individual and becoming excellent at what you do, you will stand out and you will magnetize people who admire you for your skill. Women love successful men. Find your means to success and a woman who admires your method will be drawn to you and will want to be next to you and learn from you.

Be Silent- Never profess your affection for a woman with words. Show a woman you like her through your actions. Show her you like her by teaching her how to reach her dreams. Invest in her dreams. Support her goals.

Be Yourself- Every woman has an ideal man in their minds but the most ideal trait a man can have is the audacity to be himself. Like what you like. Don’t like what you don’t like. Say NO when you want to. You have to. This shows a woman that she can’t control you and she doesn’t own it. This lets her know you love and respect yourself and she will respect you for it.

Become Resourceful- A woman wants a man she can go to for advice. Never listen to a sticky situation that a woman presents and then mutter, “I don’t know what you’re gonna do about that.” Ugh. I’ll tell you what she will do. She will go out and find a better man to partner with because a woman wants a man she can go through a crisis with and appreciate that he will add VALUE to the situation. Go take a mechanics course so you can help with her car. Go take a class on business so you can educate her on how to open her own business. Develop a wealth of resourceful information so that you will become useful and NECESSARY and she will call you when she needs help figuring things out. Women value that.

Be a problem solver. Offer solutions. Never say, “Your thighs are too fat.” Instead say, “Baby, I bought you this thigh master and I got myself a tread mill so we can stay sexy forever.” Never offer a criticism without offering a solution.

Implement these tips into your personal development regimen and watch your stock increase.