No Disrespect: Why I Let Go

Words by Te-Erika


29-year-old Charlene** knows the uphill battle that breaking free from an unhealthy relationship presents. She had to fight blow by blow for her self esteem after a 4 year relationship with the father of her child.

“I would take more disrespect from a boyfriend than I would from a job,” Charlene admits. “Maybe with a job, you know there’s more out there for you, but with a boyfriend you just hope it will get better.”

It was the hope that time would heal her shaky relationship that caused Charlene to hold on. She looked forward to each morning because each new day brought the expectation that things would be different. “Maybe tomorrow he will stop cheating,” she often told herself. “Maybe tomorrow he will stop lying to me. I at least have to stay until tomorrow to see what happens.”

Charlene soon realized that their relationship would never change because she continued to accept his behavior and give him chance after chance.

“The problem is men never feel the pain of our threats to leave because when we tell them we’re through, they step up their game just enough until we are satisfied then they do it again,” she says.

The mental drain of the tumultuous relationship often took a toll on her mental health. “I started to question my own sanity,” she says. “All the things I found like the women’s underwear in my apartment or letters from different women, he always had an excuse. I used to think, there’s a 10% chance that he is telling the truth. What if I walk away and find out that he was being honest with me?”

One day she woke up and had an epiphany. “Ain’t that many excuses in the world,” she realized.
“That 10% of faith that I had left, finally turned into nothing and I was able to walk away. Now I know that if I was still with him, nothing would be different. He has been in other relationships since then and he does the same things to them,” she says.

When Charlene left her child’s father she admits to having serious issues with her self esteem and her sense of direction. “I was so unhealthy within my heart and soul,” Charlene recounts. “I hate to say I out of my mouth that I let another person get me to the point where I thought I wasn’t shit and I didn’t deserve better. It really does happen.”

The road to recovery didn’t end in those first months filled with self doubt and loneliness. “Once I broke free from him, I realized that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore. I went out and made some friends and started having fun again without worrying about what he was up to.”

There’s only one message that Charlene wishes to send out to other women who are facing the same battles. “I wish someone would have told me that my instincts were there for a reason,” she says. “Quit trying to turn it off and ignore it. You’ll never have better until you believe you can.”

**Name changed to protect privacy.