How To Move On After A Break-Up

If you are in a situation where you are involved in a relationship and the person you are involved with wants to leave, you may feel like your heart is being ripped apart. You tried everything you could to stay together, to be more pleasing, to forgive and forget, and still your partner looks you in the face and says, "It's over."

That happened to me six years ago and it took me 6 years to really get over it. I'll share my story with you.

Six years ago I was pregnant with my second child from a man who did not want to be in a relationship with me. Not only did I feel like I was losing the love of my life I also felt that his leaving me meant that something was wrong with me. Why else would he want to walk away from the family he created?

I battled depression over the situation and I became engrossed in proving to him and myself that he had made a mistake. In fact, in hindsight, the majority of our relationship was built around me trying to prove to him that I was the best choice for his wife.

How silly it seems now, but back then I thought he was the hottest thing walking. I had never met a man so creative, so intelligent and so charming. He charmed the hearts of everyone he encountered but behind closed doors he consistently criticized me for not being like his other female friends.

"Why don't you dress like so and so?"

"Why don't you cook like so and so?"

"Why aren't you more well versed in politics like so and so?"

His comments sent me into a pit of self pity for years wondering if I could ever be good enough to win his love.

I shake my head at the thought now that I realize that a person who is unable to bring out the best in you by looking at you with love and appreciating who you really are, is more than likely doing the same thing to his/herself.

A person will give what they want to receive or what they expect to receive in return. If a person is constantly critisizing you then that means that they believe they deserve criticism in return. If a person gives love and encouragement then that means that they desire the same thing in return.

Even though I learned this, it took me many years to GET IT. And even when I GOT IT, it wasn't until I realized that what I had was not what I thought it was, that I was able to let it go.

I thought he was the most handsome man that I had ever met. I've met even more handsome men since then.
I thought he was the most ambitious man that I had ever met. I've met men who were more successful, more powerful and more creative than he was.
I thought that he was the only man who could make me cry during an intimate encounter. ~smile~ I was wrong.

Some people say that the best way to get over a relationship is to jump into another one. For years I disagreed due to the fact that I thought this replacement love would only yield the same results as the first one. Now that I have re evaluated my stance and studied more intensely the relationships around me, I can understand that there is an element of truth in this statement.

No, I'm not suggesting that you run out and find someone else to attach yourself to. I believe the reason why I can honestly say I'm over him, is the fact that I have met many more men who had the qualities that I admired in him, yet they treated me much better. Open your eyes and take your focus off of the one who walked away and you will begin to see the same thing too. Until you are able to recognize that you have the ability to become involved in another relationship, you will remain stuck in the pain from the last one.

The reason you may still be attached to the person who left you is because you don't believe that anyone else will arouse those feelings of passion, attraction and love.

Believe me when I tell you, once you are able to understand that your last relationship was NOT your LAST RELATIONSHIP, you can breathe easier knowing that you will have your turn one day.

Yes, I am still single but I have come to appreciate and respect this time in my life. I am no longer lonely and I have more joy now that I am not waiting for someone's approval to trigger my own self satisfaction. I had to learn the hard way but I am proud that I learned that lesson.

Allow me to be the first to say, there is nothing wrong with you.

The person you were with was simply not a good match for you and therefore had to be removed from your life so that you could receive someone who is a better fit. I'm sure this statement doesn't feel all that comforting when you are awake at night and all you want is a hug from someone who cares. During those times I would turn to those things that brought me comfort like writing or reading or talking with my friends.

It's okay to feel dissappointed over a failed relationship, but really no relationship that ends can be constituted as a failure because during that relationship you grew as a person, you learned how to better define what you do want from a potential life mate and you are now better equipped to recognize the ONE when you do meet him or her.

If there's nothing else that I want you to understand, please consider these three points:

1. There is NOTHING wrong with you.
2. Your last relationship was NOT your LAST RELATIONSHIP.
3. Since you have been freed from being with someone who did not return your same level of commitment and emotion you are now FREE to receive someone who will.

Please don't allow your past to hinder your future. What you are hoping for is right around the corner if you choose to recognize that your best life is never tied to someone who walked away. You never lose anything that belongs to you. When you think you have "lost" something or someone you have actually just made room for an upgrade to come into your life.

Believe that.

Trust it.

I promise you.