Why Can't I Let Go of This Failed Relationship?

When you have been an emotional and physical participant in a romantic relationship you become tied to that person, mentally, physically and spiritually. When the connection is broken, you don't want to let go for a variety of reasons.

1. We sometimes yearn for those things we can't have.

Even as small children we developed the habit of yearning for things that were forbidden to us. Those things seemed much more exciting than the things that were handed to us easily. This same habit follows us into adulthood and those naughty treasures become so appealing that we feel we have no choice for happiness unless we can have them.

Many women and men use this tactic to induce a measure of attraction in the object of their affection. They like to play hard to get which causes the other person to work harder to get close to them.

Allow me to warn you: THIS IS A GAME for the immature. A GROWN person listens to and respects the wishes of another. No head games are necessary in a healthy romantic relationship.

If you want it, and it wants you, then it is for you. If you are trying to hold on to it, and it is not trying to hold on to you, let it go.

2. We want control.

If we could control the number of hours in a day, we would probably shorten the days and prolong the nights so that we could have more rest. There are some things we can't control and one of them is the actions of others.

We can't force someone to love us, to be our friend or to treat us in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Why try? It's a moot activity because when the person alters their normal behaviour to give us what we want, they aren't doing it out of love for us, they are doing it out of fear.
Do you really want someone's love that is rooted in fear?

I hope you don't.

You want someone who will give you their devotion willingly, that way, it will last longer. Let go of the need to be in control of the relationship.

3. We can't imagine that we will ever experience the "high" of that relationship again.

The first smile. The first kiss. The first time the person gave us a thoughtful surprise. Ahh..those are all momentous occasions in any relationship. But...when the relationship proves to be a mismatch, we tend to cling on to those rare, but special memories, discounting the reason why the relationship did not work out in the end.

Will anyone ever hold me again?

Will anyone ever tell me they love me?

Will I ever have sex again with someone who actually cares?

Yes. Yes. And yes. You will.

But it will never come if you are constantly looking backward at what you now perceive to be your last chance at love. It wasn't your last chance. That relationship was merely a stepping stone, a guiding force into the proper relationship that will aid in your personal development.

Your future has in store for you, treasures that you can not imagine. You will experience that "high" again but first, you have to believe you will.