A friend of mine contacted me yesterday to tell me that one of his childhood friends had died from stress. He was very upset about the death of his friend and there was nothing I could say to help him to feel better so I just allowed him to vent.
As I am learning more in my studies on my journey to becoming a counselor, the issue of counseling people through the deaths of their loved ones has come up repeatedly. We were told to allow the person to grieve for as long as they wish without any expressed expectation of “getting over it”. We were also told that the only thing we could really ask is, “Would you like a hug?”
People are going to grieve over the loss of their loved ones because of the perceived loss of connection to that person. They may believe that they will never see or get to experience the joyful connection with that person again which causes them to be depressed or anxious about their own mortality.
Recently I revisited a movie that was released 10 years ago in 1998. That movie, What Dreams May Come, starring Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr. helped to change my perspective on death and release all fear of it. While some may consider the movie’s premise (which affirms the idea of an afterlife) to be merely fantasy, I would like for you to consider the reasons why you chose to believe the things you choose to believe.
- Do you believe in God because someone told you to believe in God?
- Do you believe that the earth is round because you saw a picture?
- Are you able to drive in traffic everyday because you believe and trust that the other drivers will stay in their lanes, which are merely imaginary lines on the concrete? Why do you trust them to stay in their lanes?
- Do you believe that you will accomplish great things in your lifetime?
- Do you believe that someone will love you one day?
- Do you believe that you are a good person?
Why do you believe these things? Is it because believing these things makes life more enjoyable? If some of you choose to believe these things then there must be others who choose to believe the opposite. Why do they choose to believe negative things? Do they like to feel bad about their lives?
Whatever you believe is a personal choice. There is no wrong or right in it. Your beliefs dictate how you view the world and how you interact with others in it. How you perceive the world is an indication of the type of world you believe you deserve to live in. If you believe that people are mostly good hearted then you will probably smile at everyone you meet, expecting a smile back. If you believe that people are mostly evil then you will be guarded and stay by yourself most of the time out of fear of being hurt.
If you are going through the grieving process following the death of a loved one, it might be a good time to examine your beliefs about death. Is your idea of death the gateway to a heaven or hell or does it involve an afterlife? Whatever you choose to believe, try to choose a belief that makes you feel good. If what you have been taught about death by other people in your life causes you to feel fear, it is okay to change your belief.
Find a belief system that brings you joy like this movie did for me. Through this movie I now imagine an afterlife where everyone I love who has passed on before me is frolicking in their own personal heaven awaiting the day when my spirit will have the opportunity to reconnect with theirs. That makes me feel so happy as I imagine my uncles, aunts and grandparents cheerfully reuniting with me one day in heaven or on earth in another lifetime.
Your beliefs are your choice. Choose beliefs that make you feel good, even in the face of death and watch your quality of life flourish.
1 comment:
Hi, I read this yesterday while I was researching info. for an article I was writing. I was really moved by your thoughts and posted your link to my article page. Really good work !
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