Your Fantasy: Accentuating The Positive

Lately I’ve encountered several experiences that could have made me feel sad or down. Well, they did at first but I quickly got it together after a friend reminded me of the exception question.

As I journey through the philosophies of therapy, I’m studying narrative therapy which teaches us how to identify the “story” that people create about their lives. Whatever we want to believe about our lives, we will mentally search through our recollection and find evidence to support it.

For example: NO ONE LOVES ME.

Remember that time in 3rd grade when I was chosen last for the dodge ball game?

There was a time when Henry broke up with me to be with Suzy and I was so embarrassed.

Whenever I walk into a room no one notices and no one speaks to me.

I have been single for 10 years and I can’t even get a date.

Sound familiar?

Sure, when you look at the evidence cited you would have to include that no one loves you but are those really the ONLY experiences that you have had or are you choosing to highlight those experiences?

Has there ever been a time when you’ve experienced evidence that someone, somewhere, loved you?

Go ahead and think about it for a minute.

Have you ever received an award in school for effort or appreciation for your contribution to a project? That was your teachers way of showing she loves you.

Have you ever received a note from an admirer, even though you didn’t admire them back? That was love coming your way. You simply chose not to accept it.

Take the time to do a mental recount of the times when your current negative situation was non existent in your life.

I hate my job!
Were there ever moments of laughter in your workplace, even at the expense of other co workers?

You have to find the exception to the story you have created for yourself in order to accentuate the positive. Shifting your focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right will help you to identify and maintain more of what’s going right. Find evidence that supports your most wonderful, positive story and string that evidence together to create your new story.

Try This...

The next time your computer acts up and you can’t log in and you’re thinking, “This computer sucks!” Walk away from your computer and sit down quietly…reminisce about all the fun you and your computer has had together. Give yourself a break as you laugh about all the fun you’ve had on twitter and all the friends you’ve reconnected with on facebook.

The next time you are angry with your significant other and you want to throw in the towel, stop and ask yourself, “Was there ever a time when I didn’t feel like this?” Focus on those good memories and decide if one argument or miscommunication is really worth erasing all of the good memories and potential memories.